90's Anime!Usamamo - Abridged
- Mamoru: hey odango head you must be really dumb
- Usagi: omg u are such a jerk
- *30 episodes later*
- Mamoru: You're still dumb
- Usagi: ur still a jerk
- *Episode 34*
- Mamoru: actually I'm tuexdo mask
- Usagi: OMG I HAD NO IDEA??!?!?
- *episode 35*
- Mamoru: so i guess we hooked up in a past life
- Usagi: oh my love how ever could I have not known it was you
- Mamoru: 2 bad i'm evil now
- Usagi: damnit
- Mamoru: I still help u tho
- Usagi: k
- *14 episodes of benevolent Evil!Endymion later*
- Usagi: My love has freed you from the clutches of evil!
- Mamoru: actually it was probably the fatal impalement on a giant piece of crystal
- Usagi: NOO MY LOVE YOU CANNOT DIE
- Mamoru: j/k I'm alive now that you've defeated beryl
- Usagi: hooray now we can be together!
- Mamoru: lol nope I have amnesia now
- Usagi: GODAMNIT
- Ail: Sup Usagi
- Usagi: y halo thar
- *one 13-episode filler arc of amnesiatic Mamoru with split personality syndrome later*
- Usagi: Oh Mamoru, now that your memories have returned, we can be together!
- Mamoru: Yes, now we can finally actually begin our relationship and-
- Chibiusa: Sup bitches, I'm here to steal yo man
- Usagi: WHAT? that's ridiculous you're only a little gi-
- Mamoru: Usagi, I don't love you anymore
- Usagi: FFFFFF well Mamo I still love you
- Mamoru: *pretends to hit on other women* no u don't
- Chibiusa: u tell dat hoe
- Mamoru: (man I hope this is working I need to break up with her because I have been having bad dreams about being close to Usagi meaning that she'll be in danger and breaking her heart without telling her what's wrong is way better than actually investigating the danger)
- *22 episodes of pointless break-up arc drama later*
- King Endymion: surprise bitches I was the one sending the ominous dreams
- Everyone: why
- King Endymion: because of reasons, now kiss and make up
- Usagi: now can we finally be together Mamoru?
- Mamoru: sure
- Chibiusa: bitches did u forget about me
- Usagi: GODAMNIT how dare you ruin our relationship that has only spanned 7 episodes out of the last 89
- Haruka: Sup Usagi
- Usagi: Y HALO THAR
- Mamoru: \o_O/
- Usagi: MAMORU Y U NO REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY *SLAP*
- Mamoru: \O_o/ u didn't actually tell me but ok
- Michiru: Hey Mamoru want to dance
- Usagi: NO WAY BITCH he's mine
- Haruka: Hey Usagi want to dance
- Usagi: Y HALLOOOOO THAR
- Mamoru: ._.
- Chibiusa: BITCHES DID YO FOGET ABOUT ME
- Fisheye: hey Mamoru why do you even like that girl Usagi
- Mamoru: she's got... erm... beautiful dreams or something
- Fisheye: wow the entire series so far we have no idea why you actually like Usagi and your only answer sounds mysteriously like it was written to fit in with the theme of "dreams" for this season
- Mamoru: I don't know what you're talking about
- *yet another season of Usagi STILL getting jealous over her future daughter who is actually in love with a mythological creature later*
- Mamoru: hey I need to be written out of the story so im goin to college
- Usagi: oh mamoru you're so smart
- Mamoru: in AMERICA
- Usagi: oh
- Mamoru: Im not gonna talk much because ill be busy. IN AMERICA
- Usagi: okay ill still write u tho
- Mamoru: here's a ring bye
- Seiya: y halo thar Usagi
- Usagi: oh hi guy who looks a lot like my boyfriend
- Seiya: wanna hang out while I make you uncomfortable with unwanted romantic advances even though you have a boyfriend
- Usagi: omg k
- Chibiusa: I have conveniently been written out of the story so that my presence won't remind Usagi or the audience that Usagi getting together with Seiya means I won't exist
- Usagi: (I wonder if I should tell anyone that my boyfriend hasn't written to me at all for months while we're dealing with a new and dangerous enemy)
- Usagi: .....
- Usagi: (nahhh I'm just going to keep it bottled inside until I have a breakdown)
- Sailor Galaxia: sup bitch I got yo man
- Sailor Moon: NO HOW DARE YOU
- Sailor Moon: *defeats Galaxia/Chaos/whatever*
- Mamoru: hey I'm back
- Usagi: oh Mamoru! you're finally back! now we can get married and -
- Mamoru: nah that's not gonna happen. I mean I didn't even propose to you
- Usagi: hey Mamoru why do you like me
- Mamoru: because of reasons
- Usagi: good enough for me!
- Everyone: MIRAKURU ROMANSUUUUUUUUUUU
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